Admission #30: Orthopedic Surgery
4th year: Yeah, I want to go into ortho. We do all these cool surgeries, and when we're not, we play video games
N: Where has this specialty been all my life.
-N, born to be in ortho, babe; 4th year, knows how to sell it
Admission #29: Ophthalmoscope
D: I bought an ophthalmoscope!
B: The cheap one on Amazon I showed you?
D: No, the $500+ one from the bookstore.
B: Why? It's so expensive!
D: I want to be an ENT!
B: So do I, but the chance I destroy my $500 ophthalmoscope is greater than the chance of me being an ENT.
D, future ENT; B, realistic future ENT
Admission #28: Hematological Pathologies
O: Come to the gym with me! Girls-time bonding!
P: I don't think so, I'm feeling pretty anemic today.
O: Is your retic count high or low?
P: Anemia with cramps...if you catch my drift
O: Gastrointestinal bleed? Iron deficiency caused by antibiotics?
P: It happens once a month.
O: Paroxysmal Nocturnal Hemoglobinuria?
P: Dammit, O. I'm on my period.
-O, probably not going to be a hematologist; P, trying to be subtle
Admission #27: Public Health
Me: You're giving flu shots today at the health fair, right?
E: Yep. I'll be stabbing people tonight.
E: I'll be Jack the Ripper, giving you Pneumovax.
-E, serial vaccinator; Me, making posters about STDs
Admission #26: Doctor-Patient Relationship
N: The patient I saw on Tuesday emailed me, thanking me!
Me: That's so awesome!
N: Yeah, AND he gave me the phone number of the cute nurse who talked to me when I was interviewing him.
J: What?! All I got was a hyperlink to his journal articles on PubMed!
-N, establishing patient rapport; J, failing to earn points with the nursing staff; Me, failing to avoid these conversations like I ought to
AND NOW CRANQUIS?
:0 Oh damn.
Oh Holy Crap
I went from 7 to 23 followers in one day. And I love you all. And seriously, @wayfaringmd. I love you. Like, woah. A whole lot. Did I mention that I am a terrible fan of Will Ferrell?
Admission #25: My dad and I are nerds
Me: Today I saw a patient with pemphigus foliaceus! I feel very very lucky, my physician mentor says he's practiced for over 40 years and never saw a case until now!
Dad: Totally! I've only seen one in my 30-year career. Lucky girl!
Me: I am so happy we are nerding out about this
Dad: Agreed, love nerd dad
-Me, geek jr, not MD; Dad, geek sr, MD/PhD
Doc, this patient doesn’t need antibiotics. He has gram negatives and gram...– Question from a nurse (who obviously doesn’t have much infectious disease experience), overheard by one of my classmates. (via wayfaringmd) @wayfaringmd, I think I love you.
I love the messiness of biology. That a+b doesn’t always equal c....– J, describing biology (and his worldview of sorts) in a nutshell.
Admission #24: Physical Exam
This morning I: -shaved my legs -put on lotion -swiped on some lip gloss -spritzed perfume -washed my hair and a long, long shower ….all so that when my group and I practice physical exams on each other, I would look like a semi-decent human being. I haven’t even put this much effort into a first date.
Everyone has to raise their hand at least once. If you don’t, I’m...– Dr. O, the nerd queen
It’s like the platelet shot its wad early– Dr. O, who clearly knows how to keep med students awake
Admission #23: Lunar New Year
Dad: Oh, this year you'll be traveling a lot. And you'll be very social...you're going to have luck with the opposite sex
Mom (to me): Let's not be so desperate in front of the guys, okay honey?
-Dad, family fortune teller; Mom, keepin' it real; Me, not going to be desperate in front of guys
Admission #21: Peer Interviews
Today I learned two things: 1. One of my classmates has an online dating profile. It is adorable. And I laughed a lot. 2. Everyone, no matter what they tell you, studied today. After all, we’re med students, not talented liars.
Admission #20: Emergency Medicine
Me: Dude, I went back to the West Unit and saw like the biggest hernia EVER in a guy's scrotum!!
K: Cool! We got a belligerent patient who liked to spit on people [in the resuscitation wing]
K: And I think a police officer just gave me his number
Me: Bow chicka bow wow
Me: What has medical school done to us?
--K, surgical speciality hopeful and sassy-sweet senorita; Me, probably going to into internal medicine
I’ve only been in medical school for five months, but I can assure you...– DW to fake patient. This needs no further addendum.
My patient was a champagne and cocaine, high-class Beverly Hills call girl...– Dr. W, clearly a hematologist
Admission #19: Gynecological Soliloquies
So somehow…I am now going to be my medical school’s production of the Vagina Monologues.
Admission #18: Phlebotomy
JM: Um, I've never drawn blood before
DW: Don't worry, I have good veins and drank a lot of water beforehand. It'll be fine.
JM: Good. Awesome. Okay, uh, I'm going to--
DW: I wouldn't stick the needle there though. That's a birthmark. On my elbow.
-DW, favorite son of the Red Cross; JM, not the brightest crayon in the box
Wouldn’t alcohol sanitize your throat? So you SHOULD go drinking tonight!– D, on how to get rid of a sore throat
Ecthyma is just eczema for people with a lisp– D, sandwich stylist and melodic metal man
Worry about stupid dudes later; suppress your ovaries!!!– O, Girls’ school gamine